Welcome! Selamat datang!
This is my forte. I shall write what I want, post thoughts, inspirations, pretty much anything that comes to my mind.
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Minggu, 20 Oktober 2019
the chemical we pursue @ 08.37
one day, as a resultant of observing the odd behaviours of the lovebirds around me, one question popped on my mind
"why on earth would someone do so such, illogical, extra, things, for their significant other? how is that possible? where do their common sense go? what is obscuring their sense of judgement?"
day by day i seek answer from the nook and cranny of my mind, asking people who had done that, asking people who never did that, asking the skeptical and the romantics, but no answer satisfy me
until one day,
the answer suddenly hits hard
because by doing so, they are happy, such acts make both parties --or at least one, happy
and, tell me, what do people seek in life, again?
then i smile, because of my misjudgement
and because
the answer is actually
that simple, indeed
Senin, 28 Mei 2018
Crystalized Words #1 @ 06.45
"God has given you gifted mind, and you have to use that for your people." E.H.
"Saya nggak takut kok...saya kan mau sembuh." An elderly patient before anesthesia procedure.
"Ini adek kalau ditanya cita-cita, kepingin jadi dokter....kaya tante dokter ya..." A patient's mother.
"Maaf lho ya..tapi biasanya ibu kalau ditensi di kaki memang lebih tinggi dari di lengan.." A patient's guardian, a teacher.
"Aku nggak deket sama siapa-siapa di sini, haha." E.A. I have to greet him when I pass by him next time.
"Kalian harus bisa ya ini, ini 4A."
"Terima kasih/Makasih/Matur nuwun nggih mbak/dok.." :) Never failed to lift gloomy clouds and curve lips up.
Rabu, 31 Januari 2018
to be at peace @ 18.45
for the last block at the end of last year of undergraduate medical studies in my school, you are allowed to choose two different blocks of your interest. one of the two blocks that i took is called "psychosomatic medicine".
one day, the doctor told us this (if i'm not mistaken);
"the opposite of sadness is not happiness, its the absence of sadness ;
the opposite of happiness is not sadness, its anxiety ;
the opposite of love is not hate, its indifference"
with the help of this tweet
but this time i will focus on the second line. does the state of anxiety-free means happiness? does being anxious means you're not happy? i believe one way to reach happiness is to be free from anxiety. (remember, its just one of thousand ways to be happy). and in order to be free from anxiety, you must surrender. yep, to surrender.
let's first talk about anxiety. the feeling of anxious, forms because of we are worried of what will happen next. because of the unknown and the uncertainty. we bite our fingers, trying to calm our fastening heartbeat, and wipe the sweat off of our forehead. it surely is not a comfortable feeling.
how do we escape from the trap of such feeling? islam -the religion that i inshaAllah wholeheartedly follow- offers a very charming solution. that is to surrender. surrender yourself to God. the word "islam" itself actually means to surrender. we, mere human being, put ourselves under the will's of God, for Allah is the one who knows best for us all.
there are many verses in the Quran that remind and guide us to do so. examples are below :
credit as tagged
and there's one personal fav quote from Imam Shafi'i
what we can do as a mere human being is that we have to do the best out of ourselves, pray a lot and then let the rest be upon Allah's will. for Allah is our creator, and our creater surely knows what best for us more than ourselves, right? and after that, you'll probably taste the sweetness of iman filling your souls. and, unconsciously, your lips curved into a smile, finding yourself is at peace --and happy.
Minggu, 23 Juli 2017
Apous, Apodidae @ 08.46
Trying to follow those footsteps of yours
But when I reach the end, you're already gone
Do you ever stop?
Label: thought
Minggu, 06 November 2016
falling @ 08.26
it is announced today that my public poster and public health video submission don't make it through the final round in a conference in Australia.
i didn't expect it would be this saddening.
maybe it's because I did it as a team. three dreams steamed away.
i feel bad for my team mates. i feel like i haven't done hard enough.
it feels like falling to an infinite cliff, only accompanied by the resonance of your own scream.
i hope i could get an A in the upcoming CBT though, as a solace, at least.
Label: thought
Minggu, 21 Februari 2016
harga diri dan keluasan hati @ 04.10
Kejadian ini sudah hampir berumur tiga minggu, namun perasaan aneh seperti campuran menyesal-dan-bersalah masih terasa menggelayuti hati.
Ketika itu, aku sedang membantu Mama menjadi kasir toko kelontong, menggantikan karyawan yang keluar dari pekerjaan. Tak kunjung juga mendapat pengganti yang ideal, aku putuskan untuk mengorbankan beberapa hari liburanku untuk "part-time" di sana. Walau nggak digaji hahaha *tertawa getir*
Malam sekitar jam 7, ada seorang mahasiswi masuk ke toko dan berkata ingin membeli galon. Uang kembalian dan tisu basah aku serahkan. Si pembeli kemudian mengembalikan galon kosong, lalu sambil lalu berkata "Mba nanti bisa angkatin ke motor saya?"
Akum diam bergeming, setengah kesal dan setengah lagi mengingat asas pembeli adalah raja. Aku kan bukan karyawan di sini?! Sial, bahkan di rumah saja aku nggak mengangkat galon sendirian. Aku mulai merasa harga diriku jatuh, jatuh ke bawah, lalu diinjak.
Melihat ini Mama berkata padaku, "kalau nggak mau nggak usah gapapa."
Tapi entah apa yang mendorongku toh aku akhirnya mengangkat galon itu dan mebawanya ke motor si pembeli, sambil mengomel sendiri.
Aku bertanya ketus, "mau ditaruh berdiri atau tidur?"
"Terserah aja gimana mba"
Damn, why asked me, I dont know! kesal bergumul dalam hati.
Akhirnya aku taruh galonnya dalam posisi tidur.
Si pembeli kemudian berucap, "Maaf ya mba ngerepotin, makasih."
Aku ngeloyor pergi tanpa membalas ucapan terima kasih itu.
Lalu mendadak aku teringat cerita Sri Sultan Hamengku Buwono ke-IX, di mana beliau pernah dikira kuli angkut di pasar oleh seorang ibu. Baginda Sultan tidak meralat dan tidak merasa direndahkan, ia ringan hati membantu mengangkut belanjaan si ibu. Ketika Baginda sudah pergi, si ibu baru mengetahui siapa kuli angkut ini sebenarnya. Pingsanlah si ibu.
Baginda Sultan saja tidak merasa keberatan melakukan pekerjaan seperti itu, lalu mengapa aku merasa tinggi hati? Hal itu tidak mengurangi harkat martabat dirinya, malah menambah rasa hormat rakyat Yogyakarta terhadapnya.
Ya Allah, ajari aku untuk lebih mengerti dengan harga diri dan tambahkanlah keluasan hati.
Jumat, 09 Oktober 2015
take it as a lesson @ 18.47
Hello, the wonderful people of the internet.
It's been so long since the last time I drop by here, and yeah I think I always go here whenever I am super sad or want to let go of a burdening feeling in my heart. Ha.
So how y'all doing, peeps? How's the weather in the city that you're living in? Here in Yogyakarta, the weather is still hot and dry, eventhough it's October already. I hope that rain will fall soon.
I am now on my second year in the medical school, still quiet a long way til I get the M.D. title, yes. two days ago I just had my block examination. The result...............was awful. Really awful. I don't even want to talk about it when my parents asked me about my exam result. I averted my gaze down, avoiding eye contact.
"Is it that bad?" asked Mom.
"Yeah, it is."
I don't know what went wrong with my studying style. I think I've studied hard enough, prayed enough and memorize enough material to get at least a 70, but turned out...........nah.
Maybe, that's the thing. I already felt "enough" and be content with it. I didn't strive for more.
They say that kerja keras tak pernah mengkhianati.
Maybe, that's the thing. I didn't studied hard enough. I only studied for like the last 5 days before the D-day. Fellows were probably already experiencing lack of sleep since day 1 when the block started.
I was quite depressed with my score even after I watched The Martian in cinema with tutor-mates. But suddenly, last night, this hit me.
Maybe this is the way Allah tells me to be humble, not to be easily satisfied with my work. Maybe Allah enforced me to take revenge in the next block, or to get me work in a competition, or in other part of life.
Well, maybe this post sounds like an excuse to my awful score but
one thing is
I do belive
that God knows best
:)
Rabu, 18 Maret 2015
We Born Alone and We Die Alone @ 07.08
Pagi ini ketika sedang dalam perjalanan menuju kuliah, di perempatan MM UGM, aku melihat sepasang kakek nenek renta menyebrang jalan yang penuh dengan banyak kendaraan berlalu. Sepasang renta tersebut saling bergandeng tangan, nampaknya sang kakek agak mengalami kesulitan melihat karena langkahnya tertatih dan tidak semantap langkah nenek. Melihat pemandangan itu, rasanya hatiku tergerus.
Teringat tentang status di media sosial yang dibuat oleh kakak kelas waktu SMA, semakin banyak angka yang melambangkan lama kehidupan kita, semakin sedikit teman yang kita punya. Aku setuju dengan pendapat ini. Otakku langsung memutar memori ketika SD, di mana teman-teman sekelas akan selalu bermain bersama ketika istirahat, pun ketika main di luar sekolah juga bermain ramai-ramai. Therefore, aku tidak pernah merasa sepi. Ketika SMP dan SMA juga, selalu ada teman untuk diajak bermain bareng-bareng. Aku tidak pernah benar-benar menghargai, menyadari betapa valuablenya hal ini hingga aku duduk di bangku kuliah. Di bangku kuliah, kehidupan pertemanan tidak sama lagi. I am sorry I've taken your presences for granted, dear old mates.
Sepasang renta tua yang bergandengan tangan menyebrang jalan pun mengingatkanku pada hal ini, we born alone and we die alone. Kita bertemu, kita berteman, kita menyayang, karena jalan takdir kita berpapasan satu sama lain. Jadi, hargai, syukuri, segala hal yang kamu punya sekarang, kamu tidak tahu akan kehilangan mereka kapan. Bisa jadi satu jam lagi, satu hari lagi, satu windu lagi. You don't know what you;ve got, til its gone.
Sabtu, 31 Mei 2014
a light bulb @ 04.34
You know what passion is?
It's when you feel a gazzilion times more alive just by thinking about it.
Label: thought
Kamis, 26 Desember 2013
all grown up @ 20.23
we are busy growing up, that sometimes we forget other people are growing up too.
tadi akun twitter seorang adik kelas saya waktu SD muncul di timeline, saya kaget melihat avatarnya.
"sudah sebesar ini?"
saya membuka profilnya, dan menemukan akun-akun twitter adik-adik kelas saya yang lain. takjub saya dibuatnya, mereka semua sudah bertumbuh, mekar dengan baik. cantik-cantik, ganteng-ganteng.
ckck.
kemudian teman saya sewaktu smp kelas satu (kami sudah tidak bertemu selama lebih dari 4 tahun), mengupdate instagramnya. saya klik. benar-benar sudah seperti seseorang yang mature.
kemudian saya berpikir, inikah yang dirasakan nenek kakek saya, hanya bertemu cucu-cucunya sekali atau dua kali dalam setahun, dan terkaget-kaget dengan cepatnya cucu-cucu mereka bertumbuh besar?
pertumbuhan itu memang sesuatu yang menakjubkan.
Label: thought
Jumat, 04 Januari 2013
where has my sanity gone? @ 18.45
have you ever been looked down by someone who's younger than you?
I have.
It happened yesterday.
It was cloudy afternoon after a heavy rain poured all over the city, leaving small breezes.
Still, I had to wear my cheap blue plastic raincoat; the one that you can buy in the nearest indomaret. I drove myself from the bookstore to a publishing shop, which I've entered before to give the data that would be printed as some posters. I walked into the shop, still wearing raincoat (apparently, i have no sanity), bcs I thought that this wouldn't be long. But I was wrong, my order hasn't been finished yet so they asked me to wait. Omgosh I'm so embarassed at the moment. It seemed like everyone turned their heads to my direction and whispered something among themselves. Gosh. I didn't even know why I took this embarassing action at the first place... I could go back to the parking area and took off the raincoat but no, I sat in the waiting area shamelessly, not bothering that I caused the shop's floor became slippery. One of the employees even almost got slipped.
And then it happened.
I turned my head to the family sitting behind me, my eyes caught the girl was staring at me in unpolite manner, disapproving look, like she looked down on me cause I wore my cheap raincoat to the shop!!! Then I narrowed my eyes at her, giving her my scariest glare, and then blurting 'What are you looking at?!' in English. Ermaigaawd. I didn't realize it coming. It just happened like that. And guess what that girl did next? She scoff-snorted and looked away.
Oh please.
And for a moment I thought I know how does it feel to be a Luna Lovegood.
And Luna can have my salute for ignoring every mock/satire/innuendo/tease that she got.
I have.
It happened yesterday.
It was cloudy afternoon after a heavy rain poured all over the city, leaving small breezes.
Still, I had to wear my cheap blue plastic raincoat; the one that you can buy in the nearest indomaret. I drove myself from the bookstore to a publishing shop, which I've entered before to give the data that would be printed as some posters. I walked into the shop, still wearing raincoat (apparently, i have no sanity), bcs I thought that this wouldn't be long. But I was wrong, my order hasn't been finished yet so they asked me to wait. Omgosh I'm so embarassed at the moment. It seemed like everyone turned their heads to my direction and whispered something among themselves. Gosh. I didn't even know why I took this embarassing action at the first place... I could go back to the parking area and took off the raincoat but no, I sat in the waiting area shamelessly, not bothering that I caused the shop's floor became slippery. One of the employees even almost got slipped.
And then it happened.
I turned my head to the family sitting behind me, my eyes caught the girl was staring at me in unpolite manner, disapproving look, like she looked down on me cause I wore my cheap raincoat to the shop!!! Then I narrowed my eyes at her, giving her my scariest glare, and then blurting 'What are you looking at?!' in English. Ermaigaawd. I didn't realize it coming. It just happened like that. And guess what that girl did next? She scoff-snorted and looked away.
Oh please.
And for a moment I thought I know how does it feel to be a Luna Lovegood.
And Luna can have my salute for ignoring every mock/satire/innuendo/tease that she got.
Senin, 12 November 2012
oh. life. @ 06.30
Sigh.
Why do I think alot when I have exams and also other kerjaan the next day?
Why do my brain cells only work when I have many things to do?
And why am I here when I am supossed to be studying Chemistry?!?!!!!1111
Oh. That's life. Keep questioning.
Selasa, 30 Oktober 2012
the future @ 01.42
apa yang ada di benakmu jika mendengar kata 'masa depan'?
hari esok?
lusa?
setahun lagi?
lima tahun lagi?
dua puluh tahun lagi?
ataukah
rumah mewah?
pasangan hidup ideal?
dua orang anak?
harta berlimpah?
pekerjaan idaman?
atau malah
siksa alam kubur?
Label: thought
takes off against the wind, and not with it
This is my forte. I shall write what I want, post thoughts, inspirations, pretty much anything that comes to my mind.